Shyness or what some grammar folks call social anxiety stems from a host of reasons. The one that cuts across continents is upbringing/cultural background.
A child that was not socially exposed(school-to-home routine) or one that had all their suggestions/ideas/inputs always jeered at( at school or at home), would naturally withdraw into their shells. Secondly. those whose parents maltreated them by constant punishments, very rarely want to express themselves.
Then they grew up and realize, however sad, that they naturally would rather not associate with people. Heck, even if they tried, they always feel awkward. The right things to say elude them and they have no clue how to relate with others.
If you are a shy person and have come to that realization and are looking for practical steps to take to overcome this weakness, you are at the right place and I suggest you make How To Overcome Shyness (social anxiety) your best buddy.
However, before we continue, you should know that I classify shyness into two broad groups namely:
1. Gene powered shyness and
2. Shyness induced by fear of rejection
Gene powered shyness
This group has to do with those who are genuinely shy because they inherited the traits from their parents or because of cultural/social upbringing. This group finds it hard to express themselves generally whether they are with familiar faces/environments or not.
Shyness induced by fear of rejection
This is actually shyness brought about by the fear of rejection by ladies. It is what I call Relational Shyness. These guys are very comfortable around people they know and others(strangers or not) but when it comes to meeting ladies that catches their fancy, they lose their tongues and start stuttering, their kneels begin to quake like drenched dog’s and they lose their self worth and confidence instantly. I make bold to tell you that this is not really shyness rather a natural mechanism that activates men’s ego protection mode; the fears of getting rejected by a lady( we have dealt with that here). You must get to that point where you realize that you can never walk on water if you refuse to step out of the boat(comfort zone). You must wear this drill on how to overcome shyness ( social anxiety) like cufflinks on your wrist daily.
A captain who is afraid of losing sight of the shore can never sail and everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear. So dare to dream, go out there and meet ladies, whether they appeal to you or not. Just poke some fun and move on by.
No matter which group you belong, listed below are practical steps that would get you from a shy/reserved guy into a guy that magnets friends from across the spherical globe.
Build your confidence
You are shy because you have low self-esteem and you feel your ideas and values are worthless. This is the first weed to get rid of and the only way to do that is to build your confidence. A confident man has a way of attracting the world to himself just like a footballer that has flair, he can maneuver and score sublime, sumptuous goals no matter how far off from the goal post or how narrow the shot angle.
We have loads of posts dedicated to confidence-building start here and walk through the others.
Secondly, you are shy because you are inexperienced and therefore nervous about what to say and how to say it. To come out, you must learn what to say and how to say it. Read the book ‘how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie’.
To deal with the other little aspect; ladies, we have that served on different posts in this blog. Read them up, especially meeting girls online. [adsHere]
You can never live beyond your thoughts. What romances your thoughts mostly, controls your life. So to overcome shyness and build confidence, the first thing to do is to rewire your mind. Expunge that thought of self-doubt, self-pity, fear of women, etc and replace them with good self-loving, confident thoughts. Negative thoughts drain you of mental energy and end up controlling your life.
‘As he thinketh, so is he’. If you think you are worthless, only then can you be worthless. If you think you are the best guy anyone could have around, so it shall be also. It is all in your mind.
Be mindful also of what you let into your thoughts for it is not the water that buffets the ship that sinks it, rather, the water that enters into it.
Every morning, before you step out, stand before the mirror, look straight into your eyes and say these words to your self; ‘ I’m am going out today to impact humanity. I am a plus to anyone I meet today. I am the best thing that would happen to the world today. The world is waiting out there to embrace my fragrance.’ Say these with an air of total self-confidence.
If you know any good online dating site, rush now and sign up with them. Since this is a virtual setup, it removes all the nervousness(tension) you might feel if you were to meet ladies physically. Besides, if you put up some nice profile, chances abound that girls that like your personality would chat you up. So cool right? [adsHere]
One thing is to identify a problem, the next is to take steps to change the narrative. Now that you know you are the shy type and really would love to grow your social muscle, go out there and talk to people. Both sexes. Even those that are younger than you are. Just say “Hello, how are you doing?”.
If it is a guy, follow that up by saying his shoes look really dope or comment on his wristwatch or haircut or any other thing guys love. Should it be a lady, after the ‘hi’ line, tell her she’s got one of the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen. And just walk on by. Walk up to sales rep and just talk to them.
Another aspect of this is rolling out with your friends(both sexes) more often: Go clubbing, shopping, bars, etc. While doing these, you are, by default, going to talk with your friends, their girlfriends/other friends( about a wide range of topics) as you guys goof around. This unknowingly helps to dispel your shy airs and before you realize it, you’ve become a great conversationist.
Talk to at least 5-15 new people every day for the next three months. When you do this, you would gently break the bonds of shyness. These are the major ways to deploy if you must master how to overcome shyness (social anxiety) The same principle applies if you want to build your muscles; you work on them every day.
If you have any other special challenges, kindly reach out to me using the comment section below. I always respond promptly.